I took advantage of being in town this past weekend to visit a new site in the Bay Area – Hawk Hills. The Hills are those you see on the left hand side when going over the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco into Marin.

It was a beautiful day and the Fiancé and I made some sandwiches, bought snacks, packed a blanket and figured we would do a picnic once we got there. About a 20-minute drive from Union Square, the anticipation of seeing the city and the bridge from a new perspective gave me a mini-thrill as we drove across.

Following signs to the left for Hawk Hill, the car ascended smoothly as we observed bikers giving it their best fight to make it up the hill. Luckily, parking was easy – the Travel Gods seemed to be aligned with our plans!

Here’s the view from Hawk Hill:

It was mesmerizing. I have lived in San Francisco for almost a year and seen the Golden Gate from many different places. But there’s something about having an elevated view that makes the experience different.

Here I am, taking in the experience – Oh, yes – that IS the fog rolling in:

As a (temporary) San Franciscan, what I loved about Hawk Hill was the fact that many tourists do not know about it. Most of the people there seemed to be spending a nice Sunday afternoon with their family and friends – parents walking the trail with their kids, and couples soaking up the weather and admiring the view, for example:

I would highly recommend a visit – pack a lunch, drive or bike (or the bus stops close by, as well.) Go early on a clear day though, because we did get there when it was clear, then the fog rolled in, and by the time we left a few hours later, the view was clear of fog once again!

What’s one of your most memorable views? What made it special?

*All images by Vitra Singh on iPhone. Please do not use without permission.*

Even after traveling to twenty-plus countries, I still get a thrill out of seeing sights a city is known for – Tower Bridge in London, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, South Beach in Miami, and on my recent trip to Seattle, THE SPACE NEEDLE!!

As a sight shown in 90% of the images I’ve seen of Seattle, I was excited at the prospect of going being a part of it – that is, actually **inside** the Space Needle.

Fiance was somewhat mystified with this intense desire of mine. Why the obsession?  I think a large part of it has to do with feeling I’m not missing out on something.  Would me taking a trip to Seattle and not visiting the iconic landmark make me a bad traveler?  The last thing I want to be is a bad traveler.

On my first morning there, between rain and light flurries, I captured this image of the Space Needle – as you can imagine, it was very exciting for me:

As the morning progressed, I realized everywhere I went, the Space Needle was within my zone. Even this cafe had a mock Space Needle (I actually liked the quirkiness of this much more than the “real” structure.)

As I thought more about it, I found myself debating if it was really worth the $20 -ish to go to the top. What is Washington State known for? Starbucks, Microsoft, The Space Needle.  But if I’m inside the landmark, would my outlook be that exciting?  Shouldn’t I instead go to a place where I could actually get a panoramic view of the beautiful skyline?

As I drove right under the towering figure – it appeared to need a face lift. Would it be worth it? Would it not?

(I’m hoping some of my fellow travelers out there can relate to this internal struggle.)

I think the main factor in my final decision came down to budget. I was doing a little experiment during my time in Seattle to see how I could make the most of a day without spending more than about $100 on food and activities. As much as I enjoy paying a sight what it’s worth for an authentic experience, I also enjoy eating – like, a lot. I had a feeling, my $100 would be taken up by the foodie in me, so I made a mature decision to forgo the trip up and enjoy the views from various parts of the city.

So my dear SN – it was not meant to be this time around. Maybe next time, when I’ve had my fill of enjoying your stature from afar, I will make my way to your top. For now, I do not have any regrets as I embraced every view of you, from each opportunity that came my way.

Now it’s your turn. Have you traveled to a place and had an internal debate (or external debate with companions) about going somewhere or doing something? Do share!

When searching for seafood in Seattle, one establishment comes up time and time again – Walrus and the Carpenter.

Staying in Seattle for only two full days, the Fiance and I decided to save what we thought would be the best meal as the last meal of our trip.  Fiance had been looking forward to sucking down some oysters  for weeks leading up to the trip.  We were aware the restaurant gets packed, yet does not take reservations based on information we read online.

No problem – we’ll just go and wait.  How long could it possibly be?

Entering the restaurant after walking through an eery, wooden hallway I waited patiently to put my name on the list.  The small restaurant was dimly lit with an exposed kitchen allowing diners to observe all the chefs at work.  When it was my turn, I informed the balding host with an upturned, French-style mustache that it would be a table for two.  He looked at his list of 6 parties ahead of me, and told me it would be a three hour wait.  He said it with a straight face so I thought he was pulling a fast one on me.  Except when I repeated “three hours?” he looked at me like I was completely oblivious to the obvious norm of waiting three hours for a table.

He nonchalantly gave  suggestions of nearby bars where we could get a drink  while we waited for the next three hours.  My mind could not align with the idea of a six party wait being three hours.

Admittedly, the THREE HOUR WAIT flashed in my mind like a flickering neon sign, and part of me already disliked Walrus and the Carpenter.  So, Fiance and I, tummies rumbling in the cold Seattle night, walked down a few blocks and ended up at a wine bar called Portalis.  We sat at the bar and enjoyed some wine (I got my Reisling for $5 because the bottle had been opened the night before at a tasting – woohoo for frugality.)

After about two and a half hours we returned.  The restaurant was still packed but this time at least there were other diners waiting in a corner inside.  Mr. Mustache enthusiastically said “Don’t worry, we have a space for you to stand for a few minutes while we wait to get you seated.”

Gee thanks mister – I feel so privileged.

Upon being seated at the bar, we decided since we had waited so long, we would treat ourselves to whatever dishes we wanted.  Heck, there’s got to be a reason sane people would wait on this place for three hours, so why not try a nice mix of what the menu offers.

We tried six different types of clams/oysters – which were the best thing I tasted that night.

Among of dishes we ordered:

Smoked Trout  with Lentil, walnut, creme fraiche, pickled onion

Grilled Sardines (Shallots, walnut, parsley)

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Avocado Tartine (Baby carrot, cinnamon, whole grain toast)

Bread and Butter (C’mon – $4 for bread and butter? Seriously? After a three hour wait?)

Fiance enjoyed the smoked trout the best.  I did not really fancy any of them…so we put in another order for a few oysters so end on a high note.

As an aside – at one point we put in an order of shrimp but it was somehow forgotten as it was never made, brought to us, nor put on the bill. Probably for the best.

Am I bias and slightly bitter that we had to wait three hours to suck down some oysters, so to speak?  Yes.

If I had a fantastic experience would I go back because the food was so darn good? No.

One of my favorite things to do when traveling is to people-watch.  It is usually an entertaining way to pass time, but it also gives travelers a true taste of a location’s sense and sensibilities.

What are locals talking about? How are personalities when their guards are down? And what about that recluse in the corner who also seems to have the same idea as me – what is he doing here? Where is he from? What book is he reading?

I have been in Seattle for a total of about 14 hours, and I have already spent three of them in an edgy/artistic/chill cafe in the Belltown area this morning.

I am working remotely today so I can’t be out and about exploring the city – yet!  But having been stationed at my brown wooden high-table in the corner and utilizing the free wifi, Seattle has already grown on me.  I can already tell you – the locals are friendly, people really enjoy the experience of sitting down over a good cup of coffee or tea, and there is a true sense of community in this particular cafe.

Have you been to Seattle?  If so, take a gander of what this location might be:

Yes, this is a skeleton riding a bike–on the walls no less!  Highly appropriate that the subject of the painting in the background has a look that says, ‘This silly skeleton is riding the wall again?‘”

Who doesn’t love an imitation Space Needle where animals can “hang out” too?

I started up a business several years ago right out of grad school – no business experience, no work experience in the vertical I was focusing on, and not a “numbers” person at all.

My eCommerce start-up failed.

I would not change a thing because I have taken those lessons learned through not succeeding and kept them at the forefront of current endeavors.

In this video, I discuss the three things I should have done – or as the case may be, should have done better.  For those of you currently pursuing or thinking of starting your own business, I would strongly encourage you to do a little research on these three items as they will keep you on track, confident, and structured.

What have been your biggest business failures/successes?

Doing dating right can be a challenge for men and women who just want to meet “the right one.” Diving in haphazardly without stopping to think about what you are looking for, qualities that are essential, and how to bring up some tough talk can hurt more than help.

Male Dating & Relationship coach, Jeremi McManus, gave me an in-depth perspective into the psychology of dating, and I, thus, share with you. Here is the start of our interview in Q&A format to ensure you don’t miss a thing!

Vitra: What’s the biggest dating mistakes women tend to make?

McManus: The biggest thing for women, which is also one of the biggest things for men, is missing out on opportunity.  An example of that ishyper-selectivity because many times we limit ourselves to what we are looking for in a partner and mate.  As a result, people end up with a very small pool of eligible-ness.  We might get online and click all the things to filter out people you think might not be a good fit.  Also, seeing a picture and saying they don’t look like a fit, looking at an online profile and seeing a grammatical error and thinking he’s not well educated.

What happens socially is usually the total opposite of that.  You meet someone socially and you think they are really cool. Hyper-selectivity often gets in the way of us taking advantage of opportunities.

One of the biggest things I talk about with the clients I work with is taking the Yes stance or the open stance – give it a shot.  Go to mixers, speed dating, get introduced, have fun.  Go out and get a little bit of practice, because ultimately what we are doing is preparing ourselves for the person we’re going to meet and spend the rest of our lives with.

Vitra: Are there any tips for those who are nervous and feel awkward in social situations?

Jeremi: On one side there’s the expectation in our culture that the man needs to pursue the woman which isn’t always how it has to play out. But it’s rooted in our old DNA.  What that means for men is that it requires them to put themselves out there and take a little more risk in social situations. Anytime you go into a social situation, you are not looking to meet the woman of your dreams, you’re looking to do somepractice, towards what I call “running a marathon” that is often a relationship.

Being in a relationship is incredibly challenging and the dating part of things is the practice that gets us ready for that relationship down the road.  So using the marathon analogy, you wouldn’t start with the full race – you would practice with mini races leading up to that.  So if someone is socially anxious – that’s a great setting to hire a wing-man, or try to do something less daunting like a mixer.  One of my favorite approaches is the situational approach. For instance, if you’re in a coffee shop you might say “They have really good coffee here, what are you drinking?” or “It’s a gorgeous day out, how’s your Wednesday going so far?,” so you’re really connecting with the person.

And for the woman, since often she’s not in the pursuer or chaser role, I tell women to present themselves or dress in a way that makes them feel sexy, because that’s going to allow them to feel a little more confident and ready to meet someone.  And in a social situation, if they catch the eye of someone they may be interested in, try to have a little smile in their face, a little warmth.  Just notice him for a quick second, give them a smile, and then go back to what you are doing because that lets the guy know you are interested and it helps to lower his fear about coming over and approaching her.

Vitra: For a woman who’s serious about a long term relationship, how can she tell is a guy is “ready” or “interested”?

Jeremi: There are at least two schools of thought on this.  One says you need to find out as much as possible as soon as possible to root out who’s not going to work.  My concern with that is scaring off the other person too soon because you’re talking about if they want three kids on the first date.

I recommend to start finding out about the non-negotiable things fairly quickly.  The non-negotiable things are things you require inside the relationship.  Find out what they are and see if your partner does or does not possess them.  As to when, I suggest a 2-4 date window as a really nice time-frame.   If you start with 20 questions on the first date, it can be too much.

First date should be something lighthearted to see if there’s attraction, and the next few dates may be longer, where you can bring up things you would like to find out about. Slip those into conversation at some point.  And one way to do it that is less direct is talking about an ‘as if’ situation. You might say “If you do the whole wife and kids thing have you thought about how many you’re going to have?” That is a lot less direct than, “How many kids are we going to have?”

Don’t let it [dating] go too long before doing this.  If you are more than a month into the relationship and there are still some things you are unsure of or don’t know, you start getting attached and there’s only a finite amount of time in this life.  In a 30-day period you really have to try to find out if this guy has these key qualities you want or don’t want.

Vitra: Modern day women are often asking if men should still be paying and taking charge. What are your thoughts?

Jeremi: I think chivalry is not dead – that’s what I share with the men I work with.  I think there is wisdom and generosity in the man providing for the woman.  It is nice for a guy to treat her for dinner, make plans, get doors.  I coach the men to be chivalrous. Keep the first date cheap – maybe grab coffee and of course, get that for her.  On the second date there’s probably an activity around that and then dinner. At that point say “I would love to get the check.”  I think it’s polite for the woman to offer, but the guy should pick it up and add a compliment along with it like “It’s a pleasure to spend time with you.”   When you get around to date three or four, that can be a good place for the woman to say “You’ve gotten it the last few times, let me get this.” This shows the guy she’s willing to contribute and offer and give in a way that he’s willing to.  It allows a nice shared sense of being generous to each other. Treat your woman.

Vitra: What are signs that a man is ready for a long-term relationship?

Jeremi: It doesn’t have to do with maturity or even age.  I think before you’re 20-25 it’s wise not to get into something serious and long term.  In a time-frame that’s appropriate for the relationship look for ways to see if the guy is ready to commit.

I think 30 days is a nice window to get to know each other and then after the 30 days, 1 month, 6 months – everyone is different – talk about exclusivity.  And in having conversations like that you can weed out people who don’t want to commit or settle down.  And what’s hard is that if they are not ready to commit, it’s often a commentary on where they are at or a lack of a fit—not a commentary on who you are.

Vitra: Is it true that women want to get chased?

Jeremi: Women do want to get chased.  Every woman appreciates some kind of pursuit  and for the man, that means expressing his interest, calling instead of texting,  letting her know she’s a priority, being responsive to her and her needs.  Often times what is perceived as playing games is avoidance.

Vitra: What do men like?

Jeremi: Men like to chase…this has been how things have gone for thousands of years – with some degree of him chasing her.  And the reason women say “I feel really loved, really sexy, cared for…” is when he’s pursuing or making effort to spend time, or buying dinner, because she’s being chased.  And men like the opportunity that women give them to do some of the pursuing.

Vitra: What are some No-No’s for women?

Jeremi: Don’t be aggressive. For some women it’s working on being receptive because it creates space for guy to enjoy being the pursuer and for women to be pursued. I’m speaking in generalizations because everyone is unique.  A guy has to be assertive and that’s his work.  Her work is allowing him to call, take the initiative and make plans and allowing him to be the pursuer.  It is important she give a big kudos when he’s being the pursuer and doing or providing things for her.

Vitra: What if a woman does all this and never hears back from a guy?

Jeremi: View it as checking one more off your list of someone who’s not going to work.  There’s a pool as a woman and there’s going to be a certain number guys you have to check off your list…so it’s a good thing if you let him pursue and he doesn’t reciprocate.  As much as it sucks in that moment to not get a call or text back, something I remind people I work with is how awesome they are and there are plenty of fish in the sea, so get out there.

Vitra: How does one get over being dumped?

Jeremi: Don’t Facebook stalk your ex cause it sucks – it activates you and makes you feel crappy.  I would suggest let go as much contact with your ex as possible, and be explicit about it until you’ve healed. Self-care is important, call your girlfriends, do things you didn’t get a chance to do before, attend meetup groups, get back to your hobbies, lean on friends and family, journal about whats happening, treat yourself to something. Anything that fills you and helps feels good.  Take the time to heal and cry and go through that grieving process to prepare yourself for the person you’re going to end up being with. 

Do you have any questions or your own advice?  Let us know!